Manic Pixie Dream Girl: Real or Fiction?

My fascination with the manic pixie dream girl trope has been growing deeper and deeper in the past year. I had a conversation with a friend about the complexities of my dating life when she picked up some threads of commonalities. In our wine induced girl chats, she described me as the real world version of the manic pixie dream girl.

For those who are unfamiliar with the concept, think Ramona Flowers in 'Scott Pilgrim vs the world'. In the fan favourite classic, Scott becomes obsessed with Ramona after he sees her in a dream. Her relationship with hair dye amongst other idiosyncrasies make her stand out to Pilgrim and soon it becomes quite clear to him that he must do what it takes (defeat her seven evil boyfriends) to end up with her. But with further analysis of this idolised pursuit of love, it becomes quite evident that Ramona exists to Scott mostly as a crusade to prove himself worthy to receive a stamp of approval from someone like Ramona.

If the movie reference doesn't do this romance trope any justice, let's get further into it. The term was coined by film critic Nathan Rabin after a slightly disappointing viewing of 'Elizabethtown'. Rabin expressed his dislike for this somewhat sexist movie trope as it depicted women as beings who existed solely to uplift and inspire mopey male leads to get up and be in the drivers seat in their own lives. Unexpectedly, to Rabin's displeasure, the phrase blew up and is still a major point of pop culture today. Although years later, the critic has called for the "erasure" of this "patriarchal lie", there are reasons why it continues to live on and spark conversation to this day. One of the biggest reasons possibly being that the manic pixie dream girl (MPDG) isn't sought after for who she is, but rather what she can be for the male of interest. Alas, in the day and age of situationships, that's an experience that many women can't help but relate to.

What draws the male protagonist to the MPDG? Well, she is described to be high on life. A free spirit, witty, quirky and overflowing with idiosyncrasies. She embodies qualities that he wishes to possess. She sparks inspiration in the male lead. Eventually, she shows a deep interest in him too and thus dedicates a chunk of her time towards leading him into being more expressive, less critical, a risk taker. And in the end, thanks to her charm and sparkle, he is able to live freely and love madly.

Now that we know all about the MPDG, my question is, does this narrative only exist in films or does it transcend into the real world too?

As cynical as I can be, I like to think of myself as a rather positive person, especially when it comes to matters of the heart. And I think my dating history sort of proves that. But with that being said, I seem to have a running theme in most of my romantic encounters. Boy meets girl. Girls shares all thoughts, beliefs, ideologies, energy, etc. Boy likes girl. Girl helps boy see sunshine in life. Boy shows deep interest in girl. Girl gives boy more time and effort. Boy feels he's not ready for someone as "figured out" as girl. The end.

As someone whose dating life seems to be bubbling with stories that reek of romcom juice,

my feelings of romantic unfulfillment came as a shock to my friends who only outwardly saw the the big romantic gestures, poems, heartthrobbing proclamations that girls dream of receiving. But then I took the time to explain that when I sat down and explored the words and actions of the 'suitors' more deeply, it was quite clear to see that the words lacked depth. There was a sense of "I see YOU" that was just missing each time. The need to be seen in the dark and heard in a silent room just remained nonexistent. Skin deep. Superficial, to put it simply.

So after a few of those debriefing conversations that followed the inevitable post 3rd date cut off, I can sorta see how my friend got to the MPDG conclusion.

And maybe you can say that with the super vague description I just gave, in the case of Nonhlanhla Pongwana, the MPDG is a bit of a stretch. Or you could go even further and argue that it's an overdone and often misidentified movie trope that has nothing to do with my real life as someone who just happens to be fishing in a rather shallow dating pool. But, one thing that does remain true, no matter which way you look at it, is that much like other women, I do heavily relate with the feeling of being treated as a concept in someone's life, a launching pad into ones realisations, if you must.

Because of that, I say that I am of the belief that the MPDG trope does find a way to morph itself into our reality at some point in our young lives. Or maybe I feel that way because I do tend to romanticise life. I don't know.

Anyway, what better way to end this off my little rant than to quote one of my favourite misidentified MPDG's from one of my favourite movies of all time:

"Joel, I'm not a concept. Too many guys think I'm a concept or I complete them or I'm going to make them alive, but I'm just a f***ed up girl who is looking for my own peace of mind. Don't assign me yours."

-Clementine, 'Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind'.