Always Leave Room For Flowers to Grow

A valuable lesson I can say I've learnt in the last few months is to always leave room in my life for flowers to grow. When we paint a picture of what we want our lives to look like, I think we often get so stuck on the structural details that we forget to leave a little wiggle room for the unexpected. Often times, the unexpected could be the colour we may have just been searching for. At this point in life, I would like to think of myself as being in spring. And here's what that's been looking like for me.

In September, I set a challenge for myself to interact with new people. In my head, I called it 'The Month of Strangers'. Living in a city with a population of about 9.4 million people, this doesn't seem like a difficult task at all. But being so painfully Gen-Z and suffering from the perpetual fear of being perceived by others and being rejected socially, it was clear I had to put on the biggest pair of big girl socks I owned.

And so it began.

First step: Locate Strangers.

I signed up for an app called TimeLeft. The whole premise of the app is to introduce you to like-minded strangers in your city. Every Wednesday evening, you set off to have a sitdown dinner with 5 people you have never met before. This sounded perfect. Except for one thing. You have to count on the integrity of others to actually drag themselves to a dinner midweek, after a lengthy day at work, despite having no loyalties to any of those people whatsoever. Being my anxious self, I planted a seed in my brain that I would get all dressed up and travel all the way across the city and be the only person crazy enough to show up to dinner with complete strangers. It also didn't help that everyone I told about the experience was a bit apprehensive. But alas, I continued on. I mean, your worst fears almost never come true, right? WRONG (well, sort of).

I showed up to the dinner and there were about 6 chairs set up and just one other person there. My nerves settled a little because I didn't have to immediately jump into a big conversation. Introductions were made and then we chatted and waited to see who else was crazy enough to sign up for such a thing. Half an hour passes and by then, it was quite clear that it would just be the two of us for the rest of the evening. With a great meal and conversations flowing, I began to realise that despite the initial disappointment of the rest of the group flaking, I was actually having an amazing time. Since the conversation was so far from being dry, the dinner chats turned into drinks at a cute little hidden bar and the birth of an amazing friendship.

A great summary of that evening would be like sitting with an old friend. Catching each other up on all the things life has thrown at us while we were away from each other. While someone else may have felt cheated out of the experience they initially signed up for, I felt as though the whole ordeal was orchestrated by the universe just to ensure that I crossed paths with someone with whom I now share one of the most amazing friendships.

Since curiosity seems to be a constant companion in my life, I did wonder what it would be like to actually attend one of these dinners with a table full of strangers as intended. so, I challenged myself to sign up for yet anothr one. Just to see what else would come from it. The day rolled around and this time I showed up to a table set for a group of 7. This time, every chair was filled. Each one by a different flag, all in this city for different reasons. Chats were flowing over a great meal and once again, there was a post dinner trip to the bar to continue the conversation over some drinks. Seems to be the perfect formula for these evenings. Although I did enjoy the group and did meet some interesting people, I think my initial experience was the one I was meant to have. It was safe to say that I had gotten exactly what I needed from TimeLeft and it was time for me to hand my chair over to someone else who could be awarded the same blessing of friendship.

Spring was in full force at this point. So, I continued on to my next personal challenge. I had some momentum and figured I should continue to ride the wave. I had to see what other flowers I could grow. And so the next challenge was set. I told myself that I would finish writing my poetry book by the end of October. I had let self-doubt and the need for external validation keep me from this goal for too long. I reminded myself that at the end of the day, the biggest favour I could do for myself is to just write. Those who will enjoy the words will, and those who wont honestly don't have to.

I set a writing day for myself. I would get random bursts of inspiration throughout the week and I would jot these peoms, words, and phrases down in my notebook. Every Sunday I sit with the notebook and I type out the ideas that would make the cut. I would then also take that time to edit and read through every poem that had made it into the collection thus far. I was in the zone. The day finally came around where I felt had somewhat of a finished product. I put it all together and printed my very first manuscript. While holding this huge stack of printed paper with my feelings poured all over it, it hit me that I had spent this whole time so focused on this being a project goal I had to reach, that I actually hadn't taken any time to fully grasp what I had done. I had written my very first book. A collection of poems with my name at the end of each one. Warm teary eyes and all, I felt proud.

But like I said at the beginning of this, we should always leave room for flowers to grow. A few days later, I had written a few more poems. Some I felt were far closer to my heart than others. And so I rearranged some parts of the book. And accepted that the manuscript I had printed just a few days prior was just the first draft. Now, I feel like I had the perfect ending to the book as well as an ongoing garden of unexpected flowers.

While this may sound like the perfect recap of an amazing two months, it needs to be noted that when making room for flowers to grow, you will need to make space in your garden of life. As spring comes after winter, it means that there will be some loses along the way, or rather some uncomfortable changes. It's the duality of life. Sometimes, good things are ushered in by unpleasantries. Be it disappointments, loss of relationships, or personal sacrifices. And I was by no means immune to this either.

Here's my thing, I think we sometimes get so set in the way our lives are set up that we somehow convince ourselves that we are not allowed to open the door for change. We get set so set on existing friendships that we close ourselves off to new ones that could help us nuture parts of ourselves that we may have felt were being neglected. We get so set on the jobs we have that we forget that we are allowed to constantly seek growth, and sometimes that growth is elsewhere. We sit in relationships that don't bring out the best in us because we have already invested so much time into them that we might as well stay. We hold on to old clothes we haven't worn in months because we might remember them some day. We don't try new foods, we're too embarrassed to try new hobbies and to suck at them.

I think the thing that keeps me going is the mindset that there are always flowers to be grown. You just need to open yourself up to receiving the seeds and nurturing them. Garnish your life.