The Thing About Leaving Home

After graduating from university and having my wings clipped by a pandemic, when the world started to normalise again, I was faced with a really big decision to begin my adult life. Do I prioritise experiences, or do I do the "grown-up" thing and focus solely on my career? After being locked away in the house for a year, the decision was pretty simple for me. I had to leave the country. While the prospect of globe-trotting deeply appealed to me, the parts I could never have prepared myself for were the lessons and losses that came with leaving home.

In the last three years, I have collected enough memories to talk my children and grandchildren's ears off for years. I moved to South Korea to become a kindergarten teacher and spent my time off travelling all across Asia. In my quest to become a global citizen, I've managed to make international friends, taste flavours I could only ever have imagined, and fell in love with landmarks and city centres that will live long in my dreams.

In Daejeon, I learned the depths of friendships. In Seoul, I discovered the beauty of being unapologetically me. In Tokyo, I was taught the real power of communication and patience. In Kuala Lumpur, I fell in love with life. In Cebu, I felt a genuine grasp of my independence and my ability to be happy alone. And in Bangkok, I was reminded of the sweetness of having loved ones around to share memories with. So many beautiful lessons to learn in new corners of the world, all while my life back home stood still. I grew in experience, in kilometres, and in passport stamps, but back in South Africa, I remained the 23-year-old who booked a one-way ticket with nothing but a heart filled with wanderlust.

The truth is that when you leave home, the things and the people you leave behind do not stay the same for you. While absence may make the heart grow fonder, I learned that it can also teach people how to be without you. So, when you do decide to leave home, know that you are also accepting that the longer you are away, the higher the possibility that there will come a time when navigating different timezones feels tedious and texting and FaceTime will no longer feel sufficient, and that you will have to allow your friends to grow without you, even if it means accepting the risk that they might outgrow you.

As fulfilling as experiences may be when you leave home, I found that upon your return, you soon learn that those experiences will only ever be yours to cherish and hold dear. Because when you do eventually make it back home, you might find that you will be right where you left off after graduating. And although you have gathered up all these years of work experience and memories, they tend to count for nothing to someone who sees your three years of teaching and travelling as a gap in your CV. So be prepared to prove yourself a little more than your peers might have to. Be ready to take the longer, more scenic route to where you want to be.

If the thought of friends and career paths not waiting for you seems scary, then I suppose now is the perfect time to acknowledge that family members do not stay the same either. The most sobering thing about leaving home for me was that my parents, aunts, siblings, and cousins were ageing. Sadly, you will miss milestones. It's easy to remember to make a birthday phone call every other month, but what's often forgotten is that each birthday that passes is a poignant reminder of just how much time you're missing with your loved ones. So, when you eventually book that ticket home, run through the airport doors into your mother's arms, you find that she's not the same lady who sent you off on your big adventure all those years before. She's acquired a lot more wrinkles compared to the last time you saw her, and her steps have slowed down a few paces. It will hurt to see, but you will adjust.

I must mention that none of these thoughts are intended to deter you from leaving home. If anything, I intend them to encourage you to take the risk because you will always be the friend who is full of stories, who is filled with wonder. The truth about leaving home is that home will always be there. It may be a little different, but it'll be there nonetheless. You come home and rediscover your hometown. You'll meet new people who have been right under your nose all along. You will learn new languages and adopt new cultures. You'll come home having added so many new and colourful pieces to your mosaic of life. You'll have a weird twang in your accent that you can credit the friends you met along the way for. You'll have pockets filled with inside jokes and memories of travel that will bring your camera roll to life. Most of all, you will have lived life.

Remember, when it's time for you to venture out, don't let fear have you looking back at what you're leaving behind.