Let's Talk About Friendship, Baby!

The truest of friendships are those in which you feel secure enough to break and build and grow. It's with the people with whom you take equal turns to water and be watered. Those you can share belly aching laughs with, as well as gut wrenching cries. When it comes to frienships, I can say without a doubt that I feel grateful for the cards I have been dealt. Let's get into it...

A lesson I have really learnt in the past two years has been the importance of building and maintaining quality friendships. It is commonly said that it takes a village to raise children. Well, adults need their village too, and often times that village shows up in the form friends. Growing up, my mom was not the kind of person who placed a great importance on friendships. She had plenty of sisters and believed there is no friendship greater than the one between her and her siblings. And I believed it for a while too. I mean, who needs to search externally for loyal companions when your parents deliver them to your house for free. However, with a 13 year age gap between my only sibling and I, it quickly became apparent that this philosophy might not work just as well for me. And so came time to search for friends.

Throughout my formative years, I've had friendships that have shaped the kind of friend I am today. In my years in primary school I found myself in friendship circles that induced anxiety. Anxieties I still carry to this day actually. My first dose of unkindness, bullying, catiness, and well basically the kind of social interactions that force you to not only grow thick skin but to learn when to bite back too. So when I look back on those experiences, I am reminded to not make others feel left out. I am always mindful of how I deliver criticism and I make an effort to be the kind of friend who will build you up when everything else seems to be tearing you down.

High school rolled around and new characters were introduced into my world. The potential to make brand new friends arose. I think I knew pretty early on that the friends you make in these years are actually quite crucial to your development. They will most likely shape how you experience new things in life. They will be the people who help you navigate so many firsts. Your partners in crime as you all enter experimental phases. These friendships will either last a life time or simply fade into memories that creep up on you as an adult when you drive past a certain pizza shop or take a whiff of a liquor you've developed an intolerance to.

University friends see you through so many phases. Much like the high school friendships, they too will be there through many firsts. In my case, these were the friends that saw me through my first proper case of homesickness. My first dose of adulthood. My first devasting heartbreak. These were the friends who taught me the power of a cup of tea after a difficult day. The essence of sisterhood in a time when all of us were just trying to see our childhood dreams through. These are the friends I have always imagined being present for all of lifes major milestones that will come years after each of us has graduated. In this small collection of years, I can say that I most likely met some of the people who I imagine I'll want in the congregation of my wedding, toasting champagne at my 50th birthday party, and morbid as be, one of the people who will stand at the pulpit at my funeral and share some stories that'll be sure to dry a few eyes.

"Truly great friends are hard to find, difficult to leave, and impossible to forget.”- G. Randolf

Like I said before, I consider myself to have been pretty lucky with the people I have called my friends throughout my life. But I don't think anything could have prepared me for the friendships I built in my time living abroad.

What many might not realise about the friends you make when you find yourself living in a different country is that these people will become your rock. You will need each other to celebrate happy moments, to dry each others tears. They become your emergency contacts when family is out of reach. Your first point of contact at the face of inconvenience. You navigate a new world together and learn to grow in unfamilair environments. So, I think it goes without saying that these friendships will have a way of teaching you so much about yourself.

Through these friendships, I have learned lessons I will carry with me throughout adulthood. If I had to summarise it in a list, I would say:

1. I have learnt that I have a tendency to downplay emotions. While that might work when trying to ignore my own feelings, "Just let it go" doesn't necessarily play out well for a friend who is in need of a venting session.

2. I learned that I struggle to take constructive criticism without immediately retreating into defence mode. It is important to listen and reflect because those offering notes on improvement only want the best for you.

3. You are allowed to put up boundaries when it comes to how much time you're willing to dedicate to social interactions and that doesn't decrease the desirability of your friendship.

4. Have the uncomfortable conversations. There is great power in communication and the only way to have healthy relationships with others is by voicing your feelings, needs, opinions, and disappointments in safe spaces.

5. Everyone you meet is on a constant healing journey and the least we could do is build each other up along the way. "We're all just house plants with complicated emotions" after all.

6. Despite what the little devil on your shoulder might be whispering to you, there is no weakness in vulnerability.

7. Everyone wants to feel heard and seen even when they don't voice it. Interpretive charity is a basic principle.

8. It is okay to outgrow people. Friendships can end without any bitterness. What matters is appreciating the moments you shared. Not all bonds are meant to last forever.

9. Who you choose to let into your social circles really does matter.

10. Don't wait for special occasions to let people know how much they mean to you, what you love about them, how they inspire you, and how significant their existence is to you.

I have always been of the belief that as unique as we may think we are, when it comes down to it, we are the mosaic pieces of all those who have had any sort of significance in our lives. We mimic those we admire and often times, our little mosiac pieces come from our friends. The music we listen to, the restaurant's we frequent, the jokes we tell, a matcha latte on a bad day, all of our little idiosyncrasies. I think that the person I am today has been shaped deeply by those who I consider to be dear friends. When I think of the mosaic tiles I've collected along the way, I am filled with gratitude.

So, when I talk about friendships, I can say with so much pride that I am blessed.